I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize