I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
