ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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