Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
