I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
