You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
