What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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