I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
