Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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