I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
