also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
