Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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