i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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