Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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