the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
now i know why i became what i already was.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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