I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
