I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My cat gives me a boner
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
