I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
