I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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