I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
