I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
