How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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