The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
