for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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