Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
