tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
