i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
