i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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