My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
