I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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