a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
