the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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