when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
