lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
