Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
