I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
