I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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