Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
birth control should be required to get into college
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
