i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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