Just cropdusted the office
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize