Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
