Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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