When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
