Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
