my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
