Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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