i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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