I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
