Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
