but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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