Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
