What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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