I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
