Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
