Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
