No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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