I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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