If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up under a house in Key West
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