Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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