Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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