I met the friendliest cop last night
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
