You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
