She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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