I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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